The Tale of a Defective Blanket
by DancingRaindrops
Summary: ...and Other Puzzling Mysteries. My response to CrazedHumor's Hilarity Challenge. Please read and review! You know you want to find out what that title means...


A/N: So here is my attempt at humor. You'll have to let me know if I did it well, or if I failed miserably. Or possibly somewhere in between. This is my submission for CrazedHumor's Hilarity Challenge, I hope you all like it!

**The Tale of a Defective Blanket and Other Puzzling Mysteries**

I walked into Sonny's apartment at seven thirty on Wednesday night. The particular Wednesday was irrelevant - but it being a Wednesday meant that Mackenzie Falls would be on at eight. Ever since I found out that Sonny was a fan, I made sure to fuel her love for my show by watching it with her every week since we had gotten together. Which, in case you didn't know, had been exactly ten weeks and two days before that Wednesday. Not that I'd been counting or anything.

"Hi, Chad!" Sonny called out from the kitchen. It had become customary for me to let myself in (the door was always unlocked from seven to eight at the Munroes' - but don't even think about robbing them!) and make myself comfortable on the couch while Sonny made popcorn. It was a pretty pleasant arrangement, actually, seeing as I had to do next to nothing. Then again, I had to drive over to her apartment. And in light of the rain that was pouring outside (highly uncharacteristic of Hollywood weather), it was quite a trial. After all, I risked getting my hair wet! And that definitely isn't something to be nonchalant about.

"Hey, Sunshine," I replied, settling into the couch and propping my feet on the table. It always bugged Sonny when I did that, so of course I had to do it every time I came. I had just sat down when I realized that something was behind me, creating a lump and making it awkward to simply lounge as I was wont to do. Reaching for it, I pulled out a strange roll of what seemed to be a blanket. As I unfurled it, however, I found that there were holes in it. "Sonny! Your blanket is defective!" She immediately rushed into the room, concerned. I wasn't sure why a blanket would warrant so much anxiety, but I accepted it. Just as I had learned to accept many odd quirks during our relationship. Like the way she can never sit on the left side of the Randoms' table in the commissary. Like the way she can't walk into a room without saying something to announce her presence, however unnecessary and unintentional it is. Like the way…I'm getting off topic.

"What? No! It can't be defective!" I held it up for her to see, gesturing towards the obvious gaps in the cloth. "Oh. It's supposed to be like that, Chad. It's a Blarmey, a blanket with arms!" She sounded excited as she revealed its name, as though it should make a difference to me.

"A Blarmey," I said skeptically, lifting an eyebrow at her.

"The blanket with arms," Sonny added automatically.

"The blanket with arms," I repeated. "And the purpose of this is…?"

"Well, it keeps you warm!" She took it from me and put it on herself, demonstrating. "See? I can reach for the remote without having to take my arms out from underneath the blanket! I could talk on the phone, or get a drink, and I would still have my arms covered! Isn't it great?" I stared at her for a moment, in disbelief. Was she honestly that animated about a blanket? And for that matter, not even a proper blanket – one that apparently had arms. That could give a kid nightmares – look out, it's the blanket with arms! Aaah!

"Uh huh," I said slowly. "And this…_thing_ is actually sold? People actually make _money_ off of this?" Sonny pouted, crossing her Blarmey-covered arms. Oh, look at that! They were still warm! Amazing.

"Yes, they do, actually. It's very comfortable. And so useful!" she defended. I still wasn't impressed.

"You do know that it's basically a robe turned backwards, right?" I asked her, trying to make sure that she hadn't completely lost her mind.

"No, it's not!" Sonny protested. I guess she really _had_ lost it. "It's different!"

"Really, Sonny? _Really_?"

"Yes, really! It's – it's – uh…well, it is! Besides, it doesn't _have_ to be different. It keeps you warm, that's all! Which I need on a night like tonight." She motioned towards the window, which was splattered with raindrops. Right on cue, thunder boomed. How's that for dramatic timing?

"You bought this – _Blarmey _– to keep you warm?"

"Well, yes! Why not?" I could tell that it made her frustrated that I didn't understand the function of a Blarmey, and it honestly tickled me. Seeing Sonny annoyed is one of my guilty pleasures.

"Because…" I let my voice fade off, standing up and slipping the Blarmey off her shoulders. She looked at me quizzically as I tugged on her hand, pulling her to sit down on the couch. "Why would you need it to keep you warm when you have this?" I made my voice low and seductive as I trailed a finger down her cheek. The immediate red flush that appeared made me smile triumphantly. "Or this?" I rubbed my foot against hers before sliding it halfway up her leg. Sonny closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation, as her face burned even brighter. "Or this?" I whispered, leaning in and brushing my lips against her ever so lightly. She puckered her lips, asking for more, but I pulled away. Her eyes opened as she frowned at me. I chuckled softly. "See how red you are, Sunshine?" She put up a hand to her cheek, embarrassed by the warm glow that she was emanating. "_That_ is why you don't need a stupid blanket with arms to keep you warm. Because you've got me." She blushed once more before looking at the Blarmey, cast aside on the floor.

"You know what, Chad? You're right. But I'd prefer to have both." Sonny got up and slipped the Blarmey back on before settling next to me, putting her head on my shoulder. "Now I have the two things that keep me warm on a cold winter's night." I gave her a knowing look, and she reddened at the implications.

"So now I have to compete with a blanket for you, Sonny? That's not right. Chad Dylan Cooper shouldn't have to compete with anyone. Or any_thing_." I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer. "But I guess I can share. As long as that blanket keeps his arms to himself." She giggled before pecking me on the cheek.

"Don't worry, Chad. There's no competition." I smirked at her, glad to hear it. "My Blarmey (the blanket with arms) will always come first." At which point I made sure to tickle her quite thoroughly until she admitted otherwise. During this "fight," the infamous Blarmey disappeared somewhere. And I'm sure I have no idea where it is, as I will tell Sonny when she asks me about it. What a shame – I guess I'll have to be first in her heart now. Because hard as she tries, she'll never find the stupid blanket.

Oh, and by the way…make sure she doesn't look under my bed.

A/N: I can totally picture Chad winking as he says that last line. Don't ask why. Anyways, please review! It brightens up my day (which is as rainy and cold as Chad and Sonny's)!


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